When Love is in The Air

You know, recently I just posted a blog entry about how confused and lost I was in my relationship. Having these conversations with my boyfriend has helped get my feelings out in the air and he knows what I need in a relationship. Though at times I have proven to be a bit to demanding, being that I am a very emotional person. I feel that just recently my true colors have begun to show and he is beginning to see the real me. For most of my life I have been able to control my feelings and have an image of confidence and self assurance. Little did any one know I had many issues. I just hope he is going to be in love with me no matter the situation. He is part of the reason my feelings have started to become so evident.

With all that said. I will have to say that Sunday, July 12, 2009 would have to be one of the best days I have ever spent with my boyfriend. It was a day full of love, excitement, and bonding. When I am spending time with him, I transform into the happiest person ever. So many of my friends have played witness to the change in my behavior when I am around him. I came down to his place in the Valley and wound up hanging out at Target for a while because his whole house was home (there are many issues with that, but that's for another time). But after about 45 minutes I came over and he made me some amazing breakfast burritos. Then we spent quality time for a few hours, and it was the best because it was just him and I. It is so rare as to when we spend time together just alone, and I am so happy when I get the chance because I know that we wont have any distractions. We decide to go on a spontaneous trip to In'n'Out at Universal and get some food. It was the first time that I had In'n'Out Burger in while so it was quite enjoyable. We sat there and we talked and I brought something up that halted the happiness but it didn't last for long.

After lunch we decided to go to Universal City Walk and walk the strip and browse around, and for a while now I have been talking about going to see Brüno. So we passed the theater and on a whim we went to see it. The movie wasn't all I thought it would be. Don't get me wrong it was funny, but it was pretty vulgar and offensive. During the movie we had these amazingly comfortable seats and we sat next to each other. He took my hand and held it throughout the whole movie. I was sitting there thinking, I wish this would last forever. After a debate as to whether we should movie hop or not, we decided not to and to go on a walk down Ventura Blvd. and to our surprise, we wound up running into Rihanna, renown singer and performer. Might I mention how amazing she looked. Her outfit was nothing you would see anyone wearing and her makeup was outrageous. How excited were we? Very! Seems every time we are together someone famous pops out. On our walk we just talked and talked and it never stopped. I couldn't help but be taken back. I realized that he really does love me so much, I felt that our connection couldn't be broken. I have an amazing boyfriend I said to myself.

On my way home, the glee lasted, but I did have those horrible thoughts in my head. I try to ignore them but it's so hard. I hate myself for not ever being completely happy. I won't let myself get happy without thinking of the precautions that come along with it. It's smart, but it takes the fun out life. I think about why he only acts so in love with me when we are alone and no one else is around. Or if the way he was acting was going to last. I wish that the feelings he made me feel yesterday were in my heart all the time, except the heartache I feel sometimes. I don't expect my relationship to be perfect, but I know that once upon a time we were both extremely happy. I don't know why I do this to myself. I need to allow myself to be happy.